I got really excited a few years ago about Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton, but the one time I tried it the trauma of having an angry woman I cared about screaming at me was so PTSD-severe that I never tried it again. This is ironic, since, on some level, she was doing what I asked her to do. 🙂
The Ghost of Self-Help Books Past has been whispering in my ear recently that several issues I’m dealing with in my life could benefit from a re-read, so I’ve been been at it now for about a week. I’m in that state of excitement and fear that comes from the knowledge that you might Really Be Onto Something, but that Other People Might Not Like It. I’ll be posting some quotes from the book here as I go:
• Make requests from your mate for what you want but stay willing to take care of yourself. lf you can practice this by picking something you usually complain about your mate’s not doing for you, and then sit down with them and practice. You say something like this: “If you want to please me, if you want to know what would make me happy, here is what I would really like for you to do: ______________________If you don’t do that; it’s O.K., I’m a big girl (boy), and I will take care of it myself. You are not obligated to make or keep me happy or to do what I want, I am responsible for my own happiness. If I get mad at you, I will handle it, and I’ll get over it. If I get disappointed, I’ll be responsible for my own disappointment.” Wouldn’t it be great to be married to someone who really did that? This is a fine basic sort of position to come from to relate to other people in general: here is what I want, but you don’t have to provide it for me. You are invited and requested, but not obligated, to take care of me.