I Can’t Stop Licking The Lovecraft


I’m really digging the fact that Lovecraft has two dance floors now. If one DJ plays something one doesn’t like, it’s off to the other floor!

Despite having 7% ABV, the on-tap Marionberry Cider, while tasty, has little inebriant effect on me. I’m a notorious lightweight, and usually that much alcohol makes it mildly hard for me to walk. I’ve had two visits now starting with it, and both times I felt effectively nothing after finishing all 16 oz. I then moved on to the canned-but-still-local apple cider, and three sips in I was buzzing. Tonight, in the name of Science, or possibly Metaphysics, I will try the other order to see if makes a difference.


I’m hitting The Lovecraft Bar pretty much every Thursday night if anyone wants to catch me there.


So I had this bright idea that if I parked the van near the club, I would be able to stagger out to it, go to sleep, and completely avoid having to cycle home in the dark and cold while maybe not totally sober.

10 PM Thursday: Found a space nearby and parked. No problem after hours, no pay-to-park until 8 AM. Sweet!

10:30 PM Thusday: Drank, Danced, Flirted, Etc. Fun!

2 AM Friday) “This was a great idea! I can just walk two blocks and go to sleep!” *collapse*

7:30 AM Friday) “Fuck! I have to put on clothes? I HAVE TO DRIVE! Fuck. Fuck! *FUCK!*”

This lead to me to trapped in morning rush hour, sleep depped, uncaffeineted, and mildly fuzzy headed, weaving bleerily trough traffic trying to get Junior to somewhere I could immediately go back to sleep.

Which is more dangerous to myself and others, this, or wobbling home mildly intoxicated on my folding bike in nearly non-existent traffic at 2 AM? The difference in mass alone tells the entire story.


Tonight I’ll find the closest uncontrolled parking I can find and bike or walk from *there*.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to I Can’t Stop Licking The Lovecraft

  1. Suggestions (from someone totally ignorant in the ways of urban stealth-camping, except vicariously, through you):

    1) Brew some coffee before you go dancing. In the morning it will be cold enough to chug. I often do this when I know I’ll have to wake up and get moving immediately at an unreasonable hour

    2) It is entirely possible* to drive naked.

    *to lessen the risk (I assume already minimal in Portland) of constabulary intervention, sleep in your boxers, tighty-whiteys, or just a nice, silky pair of jogging shorts with a non-binding waistband. Then you will awaken “fully dressed” in a very real and legally-binding sense.

    • Scott Mauer says:

      Great to see you on here, Robert! These are excellent ideas. Keeping a spare shot of espresso in the fridge would be pretty easy. I ordered some more slinky boxers on Amazon, they will be here Sunday. Last night I parked at a non-time-restricted spot closer to The Lovecraft Bar, only had one cider (I’d had another with Stella and friends earlier the same evening watching It at the Bagdad Theater, Portland’s Alamo Draft House Equiv). I was able to bike home in less than ten minutes, and had already prepped the van for Bedtime. I also got no less than *three* compliments on my babydoll t-shirt.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s